Thwarting the Inner Goddess: Not Such An Easy Task

So I have done 3 days of "The Butt Bible" workout. I am not so keen on the upper body portion as it seems to have little effect on me using only light weight dumbbells. I have decided I will continue to use the machines I have been for the results she says will be seen using her workout. I do the same types of exercises only I am able to use more weight which I might try again when the level two portion rounds the corner and see what kind of difference that makes. I must say, after the second lower body workout, I was not as sore and my bum did not go on strike yesterday as it had after the first workout.



I did blow off the gym this morning though. I don't know if I'm just over tired today, if Mother Nature is interfering with my usual get-up-and-go with the end of the month approaching, or if I'm just really feeling discouraged but I could not bring myself to go this morning. It is my husband's birthday and he usually will go to the gym with me when he doesn't work early; this morning I wasn't about to ask him to get up at 4 am to go keep me company. So, after waking and dressing, getting all my things together, and ready to leave, I had a major meltdown and said "f it, I'm not doing this today" and went back to bed. :( My inner goddess has been screaming at me since, with a scowl on her face, pointing her finger at me in a 'bad girl' fashion, and calling me all sorts of nasty names. I'm just not motivated. My efforts aren't matching with the results AT ALL and I feel completely alone in this journey since I am the only one in my house that has to follow a strict diet and workout regimen. It's really hard and a bit depressing.



I have a call in to talk to my doctor. I believe a change in my Sinthroid is required. Something is not right and I want to discuss with him before my next visit in September. I have been at this diet and workout regimen since mid-May and have successfully lost less than 20lbs. I have accumulated a total of 25lbs. loss, but after celebrating 2 birthdays over the previous weekend, I weighed in yesterday to find I BARELY managed to stay below 200lbs.



What did I eat to make me gain 5lbs. over the weekend? I had a SMALL serving of cake both Saturday and Sunday (Saturday I didn't even have frosting on it!) and a SMALL serving of ice cream on Sunday. I worked out at home on Saturday but no workout on Sunday. Aside from ONE Tostitos chip, the cake was the only cheat and I still managed to gain 5lbs. in 2 days’ time. DISCOURAGING. I work out - alone - just about every day and I am the only one who needs to eat a strict diet in my household. I just feel alone in this battle today. If I don't work out over the weekend, or take two days off at any time, I gain - whether I have followed the strictness to a T or not.



So, I will try to thwart my nasty inner goddess with my own (yet failing) remarks of self-encouragement. I tell her "I fit into clothes better" and "I have lost weight". She reminds me "because you work-out like a maniac and eat like a rabbit." I really hate her sometimes.....



Tomorrow is another day, though, and this weekend is another birthday celebration. It should be interesting to see what happens next week. Until then, tomorrow I will get back to my grueling routine and will work my hardest to lose those nasty pounds (again) and, hopefully, I will be able to manage in the time to get some good workouts in this weekend to ward off another gain. At any rate, I know I won't give up. It means too much to me to lose the weight. So, I will continue to fight and I am determined to lose the weight, I just wish I didn’t feel so alone in it all. I will get through it though. I will just have to be more patient and accepting that my body is now 37, not 17, and having no functioning thyroid is going to make things a lot more difficult than in the past.